What do you Want?
by Nightengale
Summary: Ianto can tell the change in Jack when it comes to Gwen and he wants an answer but does Jack even know what question Ianto is asking? *This takes place at the very end of "Meat" so there are spoilers for that episode, just to be warned*


Gwen ran out of the hub back to Rhys leaving Jack standing at the top of the stairs. The other three people left in the hub stared at his back waiting. It was a tense silence until Jack suddenly turned around and stalked back into his office, past Ianto at the door, not looking at any of them. Tosh turned back to her computer and Owen swiveled his chair around to face his desk. Glancing back over his shoulder Ianto saw Jack glaring at the CCTV of Gwen and Rhys outside.

Ianto turned away again to look out at Tosh and Owen. Both were going about their work acting as though nothing had happened. Yet they had that stiffness of shoulders indicating that they were still on alert waiting for Gwen to reappear or Jack to run after her or any sound at all. It was in the air, the feeling.

Behind him Ianto heard the CCTV go off but he did not turn around.

It was ridiculous. Jack and Gwen were acting like children or even like a squabbling couple. It made Ianto want to break things, to yell, or just walk out now. He'd heard Jack's voice, the way he was speaking. He knew the little inflections and aspects of Jack's character better than most and the way he had been talking to Gwen of late was getting harder to ignore. It could be that Jack wanted to protect her; he always had ever since she started working at Torchwood. It could be that he wanted what was best for Gwen or what was best for Torchwood. Yet, ever since Gwen and Rhys got engaged he had been acting differently. Almost like Gwen had spurned him for Rhys or that she was betraying them by doing this or that she wasn't allowed to have a life outside Torchwood. When Jack talked to Gwen now it was like...

Ianto turned around and shut the door behind him. Jack looked up from his desk at Ianto. He didn't say anything, just stared back at Ianto. For a moment Ianto wanted to turn right back around, out the door, and leave.

"So?" Ianto said, staying where he was.

Jack sighed and looked down at his desk. "It will be all right."

"Will it?" Ianto asked, a slight tone of disbelief to his voice.

"Rhys is not a big threat and Gwen should be able to keep an eye on him. She knows that it's important to keep Torchwood secret."

"As secret as our car?" Ianto muttered.

Jack looked up and raised an eyebrow at Ianto. Ianto rapped his fingers on his glass and just stared back. Finally Jack sighed and rested his chin on his clasped hands.

"I'm worried about Gwen," Jack said finally.

"Me too," Ianto replied, his lips in a tight line.

"I don't want to lose her over this. She's choosing Rhys over Torchwood and if they get married-"

"If?" Ianto cut in but Jack continued as if he hadn't even heard Ianto.

"-he may learn more or ask more and I don't know if Gwen is going to be able to keep the line. Obviously she should have a home life and keep things normal but Rhys doesn't need to be kept apprised of every little quiver of the rift."

"I wouldn't say she's been doing that," Ianto put in but Jack blazed on.

"Outsiders have to be involved as little as possible. Torchwood is priority and personal life needs to be kept separate!"

"Like you've done?" Ianto said, finally stopping Jack's babble.

"Ianto!" Jack snapped back.

Ianto suddenly slammed his glass down on the shelf beside him and crossed his arms. Leaning back in his chair Jack crossed his arms in mimic of Ianto as though they were about to go outside and have a fist fight. Putting his fist in Jack's face didn't feel like too bad of an idea in fact. Could Jack not see what he was doing? How he was acting? What it looked like? Was Jack suddenly blind? They stared at each other until Jack threw up his hands and stood up.

"Ok, you're angry at me."

"I am," Ianto said arms still crossed over his chest.

"I know we really should have retconned Rhys but I suppose Gwen did have a point." Jack paced as he spoke. "He helped us even if it was a bit by accident. And I shouldn't try to run her entire life."

"That's not it, Jack," Ianto replied.

Jack stopped, turning his head to look at Ianto. For a minute it appeared to Ianto that Jack saw him then, really saw him for once, standing there. Ianto remembered sitting in Jack's office at three in the morning, sitting on his desk and kissing Jack's forehead. He remembered Jack babbling on about the possibility of manipulating the rift predictor program to also know where it was opening to, what place, time, as he paced around his office; how he grazed his hand across Ianto's stomach as he walked by him. He remembered Jack kissing his hand as Ianto brought him coffee. Ianto remembered Jack looking at him, his head on the pillow, and there was only one thing in his eyes.

"What then?" Jack asked, crossing his arms.

"What do you want, Jack?"

Jack glanced up at the ceiling with a frustrated sigh.

"It works as it is now. Torchwood works as it is and outside people break it up, make it more dangerous. We need to be separate!" Jack moved right in front of Ianto, hands gesticulating. "Things work as they are! I need Gwen on my... I need all of you on my side."

Jack dropped his arms, his chest heaving slightly. His eyes were elsewhere and Ianto's nails dug into his palms. His voice, however, remained extremely calm.

"You don't understand what I'm asking."

Jack just looked at him, not really seeing him. Then Ianto shook his head and turned around, opening the door. He felt the air move behind him but he walked out of the office.

"Hey, Ianto," Owen said as Ianto walked past. "Do you think we could get some coffee?"

Without answering Ianto went straight up the stairs to the coffee station. He practically threw the filter and coffee grounds into the pot, knocking the mugs around and spilling some cream on the floor. He grasped the edge of the catwalk to steady his hands. His whole body felt ready to explode or maybe even implode, either way just collapse. Slowly he breathed in and out. Ianto remembered the time Jack nearly ripped Ianto's waistcoat in his flurry to pull Ianto into his arms. He remembered when it was secret and he could feel Jack looking across the hub at him. He remembered Jack taking his hand as he stepped out of the car when they went on what was their real first date.

When Ianto turned away from the coffee to look out at the hub again he saw Jack was standing in the door way to his office. He was looking up at Ianto. Ianto just wanted to scream.

'What do you want! Tell me! Because it's not me I see in your eyes all the time when you look like that! I know and you don't even know!'

Ianto held onto the edge of the catwalk looking down. He could still hear Jack's voice telling Gwen he'd know if she gave up Torchwood. He could still see Gwen leaving with a wave of dark hair and a determined look. He could see Jack now looking at him.

'What do you want, jack?' Ianto thought. 'Because I can't take this forever.'


End file.
